Ask Nubby #9: Rocking your Style with Confidence!
I was looking through your blog & I noticed how you were always dressed in something cute and you wore it with a certain flare & confidence. I’m just wondering how I can acquire some (any) confidence to wear some bold/cute/notice-me-I’m-not-just-a-piece-of-wallpaper ensemble.
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As you’ve probably already guessed, feeling confident about your outer appearance comes from not only wearing something that makes you feel good, but also from accepting yourself for who you are. Some people can throw on jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers and still exude an air of confidence because that simplicity suits them. I’m not one of those people; I feel my best when I’m wearing a coordinated outfit.
A tiny sampling of my outfit photos
On the topic of fashion and confidence, I was just reading an interview with Nancy Pelosi (the speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives) and though she wears mostly pantsuits, her outlook is right on key. She says:
Fashion and all it implies—hair, makeup—is an art form. If you look organized and well presented, people think you’re organized in your mind and you take pride in yourself. And besides, it’s fun.
If you feel great about what you’re wearing, it will naturally show in your body language and people will take notice. It really is like a chain reaction!
MY PERSONAL MANTRAS
Stylistically, most of us have certain rules and boundaries whether we realize it or not. It’s a good idea to keep these in mind when trying out new looks, but to not let them stop you from branching out. Some of my personal rules regarding style are:
1. If you feel uncomfortable in something, don’t wear it.
Have you impulsively worn shoes that hurt your feet just because they looked great? Have you thrown on a dress that looked perfect on the hanger but shifted and bunched all night? I’ve done these things too many times to recall. I’ve worn skirts that felt too short and subsequently yanked and pulled on them as I walked down the street. I’ve worn stilettos that looked impressive sitting in my closet, but after a night of standing at a club, they weren’t worth the pain.
Pretty in pictures, not for a night of standing!
No matter how beautiful something looks or how much you think it will impress the company you keep, it really isn’t worth it. It’s hard to carry yourself in a self-assured, confident manner if your clothing makes you feel awkward.
2. It’s better to have 10 amazing pieces of clothing than 100 that are mediocre.
The next time you impulsively pick up a piece of clothing, ask yourself if it’s going to last and if it’s worth the investment. Granted, it’s not just about the cost (or whether the item is on sale). Does it deserve to take up space in your closet? Is it overly trendy? Will the material pill and snag after only a few wears? Is the fabric a cheap feeling synthetic?
Confession: some of my most favorite dresses were purchased for under $30.00 at Forever 21, but for every great steal, I have a pile of clothing castoffs that later seemed too gaudy or just felt shoddy and cheaply made. I’d rather pass on the bargains and save up for one quality item that will last me for years.
3. Embrace the concept of ‘everyday luxury.’
Two of the items I use almost daily were astoundingly expensive (to me). My Dries Van Noten boots and Miu Miu purse both made me pause before I handed over my credit card, but months later, I can honestly say that I’ve already gotten my use out of them.
When I was trying to decide whether to splurge on the Dries boots, the shop assistant relayed the brilliant message of ‘everyday luxury.’ If you buy something notable, there’s no reason to hide it away for only special occasions. There’s something really refreshing about a designer purse or shoes that show obvious wear. Everyday luxury is about breaking in the things you love most and enjoying them constantly!
4. Define your style icons and take visual cues from them.
If you’re lacking in confidence, there’s nothing wrong with adopting a handful of icons who have style that you admire. By choosing to embrace their confidence and elements of their style, your level of comfort will begin to grow. Over time, the emulation will start to shed and your own methodology will begin to emerge.
When I was around 16, I admired Courtney Love, Marilyn Manson and Boy George. At that time, I’d show obvious indicators through band shirts, pins, patches and jewelry. Over time though, I learned to take small elements from each of my icons (striped tights from Manson, vintage dresses from Courtney, bright makeup and layers from Boy George) and added in my own. Pretty soon, I didn’t need those distinct signifiers (like shirts with my idol’s name splashed across them) to spell out my alliances. I was just fine being myself and expressing my own identity.
CURRENT STYLE ICONS
A handful of personalities have helped mold my style into what it is today. Here are a few deserving shout outs!
1. Michael Jackson: I have always loved his attention to details and funky yet streamlined looks. He has an amazing flair in the way he takes the basics (white v-neck tees, slim black pants, button-up shirts, tailored blasers and bowler hats) and adds dashes of sequins, armbands and jewelry to make the look completely his own. Stylistically, I can relate to his sleek black hair, very pale skin and unisex clothing elements and I owe my love of vintage marching band jackets and skinny black pants to him!
Emulating MJ, 2003
2. Steve Perry: Growing up, my parents were totally obsessed with this man and it rubbed off on me. It’s true that I went as Steve last Halloween (and it’s the only time I’ve ever impersonated a man)! His unfussy staples of the late 70s that included Levi’s 501 jeans paired with a t-shirt still inspire me today. And, he rocked a white tailcoat like nobody’s business.
3. Mickey Mouse: The original icon of red, black and white, Mickey has always had a hold on me. Putting on Gala’s Mickey ears in NYC a few weeks ago only reminded me of how much I dig Mickey’s classic, unchanging style!
1984 and 2008, respectively.
EMBRACE CHANGE
Feeling confident comes with self-discovery. Experimenting and figuring out what makes you feel great will boost your courage. Not all of us have been blessed with enough funds for a major shopping spree, so why don’t you give the digital equivalent (Polyvore) a try? Now you can try out all the latest designer gear without the guilt!
Never forget to have fun when exploring your style. Nothing is set in stone. Style is something that is impossible to pin down; it is constantly morphing and growing, ebbing and flowing. It’s an adventure based on self-expression.
Do you have any mantras that define your style?
Get in touch: 
26 People have left comments on this post
You were the cutest child I’ve ever seen–and you had a gruff little voice to go with it. I’ve loved watching you grow up.
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Wow, this is brilliant!
My friend has a picture of herself on her computer and uses paint to dress herself with the clothes she finds! Brilliant! 
I’ve always thought you had elements of Minnie mouse, without the cutsie wootsei, so sweet I want to throw up element…without that sounding too offensive? Sorry!
I dress a lot like you at times (Or would if I had the money and fashion sense!). I love black with accents of red and I adore stripy things!
I’m not sure if I have any celebrities that have molded my fashion sense but then again I am only 14. If I had to pick people that have had a major imapct on me already clothes wise it would be You, Gala and Rumi from fashion toast! =)
P.S I love polyvore!
Vixxie.
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This is such a great entry. Some people have written whole books to try and explain what you just said in one blog post. Well done blog Genius!
xxx
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Those boots are FANTASTIC! So, so worth it.
I don’t have a mantra per say, but every morning I ask myself what kind of Rachel will I be today? Weekend Rachel? Lunch Date Rachel? Internet entrepreneur Rachel? Karaoke Master Rachel? Then I dress accordingly to that “character’s” costume. It’s so fun!
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Nubby, this article is great! I love your style and the pic of you as a little kid in the mickey ears is too priceless. I wrote an article on my blog about feeling good in your clothes last week-ish and I touched on some of the same stuff you did here. I really liked reading about your style influences, they sort of pop out anyway but I think it’s great you are so deliberate. That’s really the key to having style is being committed to your own aesthetic, which is something I am learning!
Thanks for always posting stuff that is worth taking the time to read everyday.
I also think it’s super to buy more expensive pieces that you wear out, I am working on being more careful with that–I do the same thing with forever 21, only to wish I had invested in a really luxe cocktail dress that doesn’t look gaudy two seasons later.
Anyway, all that to say that I am so with you on all your points and lovedddd this post. You’re inspiring!
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Thanks for such a useful entry! I’ll keep these things in mind the next time I go shopping.
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i LOVE this. great advice! i am a huge proponent of whittling the wardrobe down to the style essentials… that is, making sure that everything i have suits my style. in the past, i’ve purchased gorgeous items that fit well, but that didn’t quite “fit” me. no more!
great post!
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Great article! I really love the quote from Nancy Pelosi. I think that pretty much sums up the art of dressing to me.
Also have to agree with the everday luxery point…I think if you are going to use something day in and day out, its ok to spend a bit more on it. And it often pays to anyway, because at least you know it’ll last the distance and not fall apart in three months time. (The number of times I’ve bought ‘bargins’ because I was being cheap only to have them fall to bits in a matter of weeks is pretty much ridiculous!)
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thanks for the great post! I agree with your mantras, except I find it hard to decide whether pieces are worth it at the moment. also, I’ve never commented before, but I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I love every post!
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Wow, you truly are a gorgeous creature. I’m so glad I finally subscribed to your blog.
Your fourth point stands out the most to me. I feel like a late bloomer in terms of finding my own fashion direction but no one really seems to give that much of a shit in Wellington offices!
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Thank-you for such a wonderful article – I LOVE the concept of ‘everyday luxury’! Those boots are gorgeous.
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My mantra? Hmmm…
“Even though I might be 15 pounds over weight (I would like to thank Portland winters for my free fatty, no not phatty, winter coat) and I am totally bummin about it, I am going to own it, dress it, and rock it like I’m are a size 6, well…more like size 8…tastefully.”
So even though I do not live this mantra to the fullest YET, I am just trying to accept and love me for me. Living each day wishing I was a size 6 is kind of depressing…so I have made the effort to love me the way I am, muffin top and all. Confidence is the best accessory.
Cheers.
P.Hobbs
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OMG, your baby picture! So cute…
Your current style icons strike me as being very original, especially considering that they’re all men! Yet you translate the elements in a feminine way.
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Such good timing, Nubby, you clever vixen. I have been going thru a “i finally know how i want to dress but i am too afraid to do it” stage. Now every time I wonder if i can leave the house in a certain outfit, I can just have a read of your post!(not that i dress like a crazy woman, just that i live in a reasonably small town where all the “pretty ladies” seem to all dress the same!) Anyway, thanks for the shot of confidence. KJ
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Vixxie: Minnie and Mickey both are awesome! Minnie’s big bow and polkadots are totally right on cue! And, at 14 to not depend on any celebrities for style icons is pretty amazing. It sounds like you have a solid grasp of who you are / who you want to be!
Rachel: I love it! I think many of us do this subconsciously but I’ve never stopped to think much about it!
ML: Thanks, I appreciate the support!
kelly LOVES whales: Yes, yes….it doesn’t matter how ‘nice’ something is if it doesn’t suit you. I think most us have made that same mistake. And, that’s where tiny mantras DO come in so impulse buys don’t clog our closets!
Bridget: SO true. I’ve had my share of cheaper bags, vintage purses….and the handles always break, clasps stop working, the lining rips. With my really expensive stuff, I can get 1 to 2 years of everyday wear– so it’s totally worth the investment upfront!
Ms Constantine: Thanks for subscribing! And, offices are a strange breeding ground for style. Where I work, it’s jeans and t-shirts style every day, unlike past places…
P. Hobbs: I feel ya! Portland winters are so overcast and dismal, they make me feel like hibernating (and eating) for three months straight. And, you’ve totally got the right attitude. A fantastic start!
Annie Spandex: Haha, you noticed! I am naturally drawn to powerful men more so than women. I love cool, confident and unfussy style and so many women style icons today just try way too hard. But, Bjork is a shining example of individuality I probably should have mentioned!
Kristy: It takes a little bit more confidence to stray from the crowd, but it’s so worth it! Your individuality is important so good for you!
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Right on!! I really appreciate how you broke this down into “mini elements” of how to build one own’s style. Definitely stuff I wish I had known years ago! lol. I love that your look has modified from “star inspired” to something that is really quite unique.
I couldn’t agree more with the statement about if you’re not comfortable in something–don’t wear it! I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to wear something “trendy” that just doesn’t fit my body type (or even a vintage piece that is too big or too small), and spent the entire evening tugging and pulling at it. I finally decided to stop trying to fit into a look that doesn’t suit me, and instead embrace my shape and inner 1940s pin up!
I’m much happier now that I’ve ruthlessly weeded out the garments that just aren’t “me”!
Thank you so much for this post–I’m definitely linking to it in my weekly roundup of links!
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YOU RULE Nubby–always the most relevant advice from my perspective!
You ask what my style mantra is. . . I like to juxtapose many genres taking into account the current Mod movement–at present the 80′s. So a typical outfit would combine that with punk, gangsta and rave elements. I also like to flash my passion of Apparel Graphic Design off with some screen-printed piece.
Thanks for the post!
*css
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You are too cute Nubs!! Has anyone ever told you you look kind of like Tori Spelling? Thats a compliment, btw!!!
kisses!
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I agree with so much of this post!
Uncomfortable outfits, ahh, I ruined so many awesome nights due to being so vain! I remember my uber-goth days: teetering on ludicrous platforms, vinyl outfits that suctioned like leeches, fishnets severing flesh… The list goes on.
I’m almost 26 and while I’m still far from your ‘average’ dresser, I’ve developed a style all of my own that I like to call “Cartoon Corporate” haha. While I don’t work in a corporate area, I favour fitted shits and ties – usually in nutso color combos like pink & red. Big, bubble shoes, Big hair & lots of plastic jewelry!
Once you find a blend of your ‘signature’ pieces & define your ‘look’ it’s so easy to re-shuffle things around with accessories and the like – you are such a good example of that Nubby! All of your belts, watches and funky necklaces really make your outfits and keep you looking like you have rustled up something brand new every day!
LOVE your style icons! That mickey picture of you is so freaking cute.. the shorts over the pants are a classic!
This is such a good article, I think you have helped out a lot of younger people with this. Good work! We need to eliminate the cookie-cutter kids!
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Ahh, it’s interesting you mention one of my favorite style icons: Courtney Love. I love her in the 90′s — Doc Martens with minidresses…
I’m still trying to nail down my style, though I think I’m getting close. Your article definitely helps! Now if only I could break my Forever 21 and H&M addiction and invest in some quality pieces. Any suggestions of where to shop instead?
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Like Dollface above me ^^ I too loved and wore to death the doc martins and minidress/skirt.
I love your style!
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Dollface: I have my fair share of F21 and H&M, too. But, I add in some thrifted pieces, American Apparel basics, designer stuff from Ebay and other random finds. I don’t really have a set list of places that I frequent!
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Ahh man, you really got to me with this article. I was feeling pretty good today and I read this and I figured out why.
I’ve been experimenting with different kinds of clothing (dresses and shorts) and haven’t been feeling all that confident and today I wore just a tee shirt and a dark wash jean and I feel so much better. I’ve always been a tee and jeans girl and thanks for not making people like us feel bad because we don’t dress up all frilly.
Anyway, I just wanted to say loved the article. I need to read your blog more!
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i always find myself dressing like a french spy or a romantic pirate!!! isn’t it funny/awesome/wicked when you meet someone who gets it though!!???
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I always think it sounds strange but my style icons are Ellen DeGeneres and Marilyn Monroe. I particularly like MM in The Misfits.
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