It’s Not About Them, It’s About You: How To Keep A Positive Perspective in Your Life
It’s easy to get caught up in what other people have, what they’re doing, who they know, what they’re wearing, what they look like and what’s being said about them. But, as you’ve no doubt already figured out, comparing yourself to others will get you nowhere.
Because of our fast-paced, instant access lifestyles filled with celebrity gossip blogs and social networking sites, it can sometimes appear that so-and-so has the perfect lifestyle and they must be doing better than ourselves. But, even if they are hugely successful, why should any of this really matter?
Jealousy and Scarcity
The feeling of scarcity (unlimited wants coupled with limited resources) arises when you stop focusing on what you presently have and start yearning for everything you don’t have. It’s a game you can’t win.
Steve Pavlina says:
Jealousy is a very ego-based notion. If you want to feel jealous, you must first adopt a scarcity mindset that suggests we’re in competition with each other. Reality must be reduced to your ego vs. other people. If someone gets that great job, that wonderful girlfriend, or that new house, it means you can’t have it. They won. You lost.
If you really think about it, there’s always more room at the top because each of us has a unique perspective. Nothing can be carried out in the same way twice so it’s entirely possible to put your own spin on an idea. If you see someone succeeding at the same thing you want to do, view it as a triumph because now you know it’s possible. And, if you have great manners and offer something in return, the odds are that they may be willing to provide tips and advice.
(Most) Success Is Due To Hard Work
Sometimes we only see the end results of what people have accomplished and forget about the hard work that it took to get to that point. A celebrity probably has a team of managers, publicists and assistants plugging them to the media at all times. A famous blogger probably does just that full-time and has been chipping away at the keyboard for years. A well-known artist may have spent ages couch surfing and squeaking into group shows before they got their big break. There’s a good chance that someone with a fantastic job had plenty of undesirable ones during the years prior and spent many long nights at the office.
Gala Darling brilliantly writes:
Other people’s lives are none of our business, regardless of who they are — celebrities, internet personalities, artists or shop assistants. We are all entitled to live the way we want to without having to constantly explain ourselves.
To dwell on what others have and then pry into their personal business in a negative manner is a bad reflection on yourself. It really isn’t about them, it’s about you. A few things have been bothering me as of late and I was just given the advice that it’s better to embrace these feelings and to think about what’s driving them than to bury them because I feel guilty for thinking badly about someone.
Usually, these feelings are driven by a lack of focus and uncertainty in your own life. This is natural. It’s up to you to work through these feelings, not to project them negatively onto another person.
Fight Negativity, Embrace Your Strengths
Napoleon Hill says:
The subconscious mind makes no distinction between constructive and destructive thought impulses. It works with the material we feed it through our thought impulses. The subconcious mind will translate into reality a thought driven by fear just as readily as it will translate into reality a thought driven by courage, faith.
The easiest cure-all for negative feelings is to throw yourself into something you love, something you feel really passionate about.
For me, when I’m designing, making fine art or blogging, I am at my most fulfilled because none of these things feel like work to me. Granted, my everyday life isn’t anything that would be considered spectacular. Most days are filled with waking up early, answering a few emails, picking out an outfit that I feel excited about and rushing out the door to catch the bus to work. After putting in my hours (I’m lucky to have a job I love), I usually come straight home most nights to do some more work and spend some time with Lee. If I get too tired, I take a nap, wake up in the middle of the night to do some more work, then go back to bed. The reason I keep wacky hours is because this is what it takes to keep up with what I love to do.
Any success I’ve achieved at this point has been about 80% hard work and 20% luck. The term luck should be used loosely because that only tends to come into play once you’ve already done the legwork to get noticed, whether that be recording your demo, putting together a press kit, developing a portfolio, etc.
Positive Momentum and Moving Forward
To keep momentum, I try view everything as an adventure, as a little excuse to have fun. Even if I’m just taking a mid-day walk to a coffee shop, I pack along my camera and try to take the world in around me.
It’s also important to have an end result in mind for what you’re doing. Even if you’re working a menial office or retail job (yes, we’ve all been there!) it helps if you have hobbies outside of work that you love. Also, keep your eye on the target; have an end date in mind. Maybe set a goal to save a few thousand dollars set aside (little by little out of each paycheck) so that you can travel or follow a dream when this milestone is passed. Having a payoff will make those dreadfully long days fly by as you inch closer to your dream.
Years ago when I lived in the suburbs, worked at the mall during the week and went to college classes on the weekend (it was a pretty miserable existence!), my goal was to save up enough money to quit my job and travel. Unexpectedly, during the winter of 2004, I was offered a chance to go on tour with Lee’s band and because I’d prepared myself, I was able to quit my job and tour the U.S. for six weeks without worrying about money. The payoff was totally worth the year of annoying customers I’d put up with! Traveling freely and meeting tons of inspiring people along the way really opened my mind up to the possibilities beyond my little, regimented world!
It’s Not About Me, It’s About You
This isn’t supposed to be all about me; it’s about you. It doesn’t matter where you are now. It’s where you’re going. If you have a steadfast plan that you’re inching towards every day, you’ll eventually make it. Slowly but surely, things somehow always manage to come together if you keep a positive outlook. And if you stay focused on that dream while putting in the work to achieve it, there’s nothing stopping you.
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26 People have left comments on this post
Great post!
One of the most difficult things I find is, that while I am trying to keep an optimistic, non-jealous attitude, to not covet things, there are often people who don’t seem to understand that there is a class system, that there are things people go without (whether by choice or not).
It reminds me of this one blog where the original poster made a comment to the extent of “EVERYONE CAN DO THIS IF THEY DO THIS,” which simply is not the case for everyone. It’s a very narrow mindscape, to assume that all people live equal lives. It’s putting scarcity (and subsequently, jealousy) in the minds of others, when we would perhaps be living in a way that would not permit it otherwise.
(I hope that makes sense!)
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I should add, because I feel I was vague. I’m not saying people can’t DO everything they want. But this OP was in regards to archaic etiquette rules, which I think limit people’s creativity and participation in events and life. And her logic was that they SHOULD and MUST follow those etiquette rules, and that to do so otherwise was thoughtless and rude, whereas I think stifling etiquette rules decrease participation, excitement, and enjoyment for those involved.
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Wow, That’s really amazing. And I’m so glad everything worked out for you!
I’m only 14 and i’m eargerly waiting to start work! I still have about 2 years to go! Drat! But I’m helping my mum with a small job she does and thinking about starting a business on eBay so everything’s looking up. Thanks for this, it’s really inspiring.
Cuddles and cookies,
Vixxie.
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Ashe: I know, it’s so hard to remain optimistic when some people have so much and take it for granted. But I think that its so much more admirable to come from a level of scarcity and earn everything on your own. Everyone has to start from somewhere.
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Oh, I absolutely agree! It just baffles me a lot lately how much people really DO take for granted so many aspects of their daily life. In many ways, I found my life much more rewarding when I owned less.
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Very awesome and inspirational – I loved the example about you living in the suburbs and saving the money. I think its very easy for us all to get caught up in the preparation for goals and feel like the end is no where in sight… So I think its very important to hear stories of people actually accomplishing their goals because its just another little push saying, “Yes! Things really do happen with hard work and time.” Thanks for sharing this
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i think i know where Ashe is coming from. gratitude is really important and if we focus on what we DO have and think positively about our opportunities, then we are more likely to achieve and experience our dreams and goals.
great post, Nubby. it’s funny how often i will be musing over something and then all these coincidental things happen around the same time. lately i’ve been thinking (hard!) about where i want to be and how to use other people’s success as motivation and encouragement rather than making me feel ‘left out’ or like i can’t have what they have.
i love this line:
“If you see someone succeeding at the same thing you want to do, view it as a triumph because now you know it’s possible”
that is absolutely the realisation i have come to and want to focus on.
thanks for another thoughtful post!
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Great post!! =]
Also, I found something that made me think of you immediately!
http://giantvintage.com/product_info.php?cPath=18&products_id=12662&osCsid=d2dad8e62199bb60ced11a815d2b0397
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Some excellent advice. I found when I put some hard work into what I love, I was rewarded. I had 2 opinion pieces published recently…it just takes some elbow grease and patience!
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thanks soo much for this article!!
I’m reading it from my call centre job ee!
have felt my heart for my former hobbies- passion for the soup kitchen, planning crazy trance parties..all fading. have been feeling so listless& unable to see where I want to focus my efforts for the future.Also have been running into former high school friends& feeling rather inadequate.
Reading your beautiful, cool blog its hard to have the perspective of where you came from, as it is with everybody who seems to be doing so well.
so thanks again for the article nubby. great timing
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this is *just* what i needed to read today.
thank you.
it’s my first time here. i LOVE what you are doing and will definitely be back for more.
*
peace.
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San Smith: Yes, exactly. I think that when people fail to share the path they took to get from point to B, from the outside it seems almost like magic and it’s easy to assume that there was no struggle.
lindsey clare: Don’t get me wrong, I have that left out feeling sometimes too, but I’m beginning to realize how counterproductive it is and how much worse I feel when I buy into that mindset. Usually those people that are doing great things are just as willing to help you succeed. It’s amazing what an email can do!
Hanna: amazing glasses! I am swooning over those right now. Thanks for ze link!
Karina: So, so true (and good for you)!
cookie: I felt the same way you do now back in 2005- it was a really tough year. I was still living at home, between jobs and hadn’t started school for graphic design yet. Sometimes it takes awhile to feel that spark, to figure things out and it’s something that you can’t rush.
kelly LOVES whales: Aww, thank you so much!
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Everyone tells me, “It takes seven years to be an overnight success.”
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“Eyes on the prize.” That mantra has gotten me through some hurdles.
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WendyB: Love it. I’ll have to write that one down!
Antonia: Yes, yes. So true.
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Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear.
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Nubby, after perusing your writing, I’ve become a fan! You have some surprisingly great wisdom, kiddo, in addition to some stylin’ design sense. A friend sent me to your blog, and I’m suitably impressed. Thanks for sharing…
be well
Rick
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Dr K: Thanks so much! I appreciate that!!
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I followed a lead to your website and I’m very happy to see how thoughtful your articles are. This one in particular will be printed out and hung somewhere nearby my desk as a positive reminder. It makes sooo much sense!
Sadly, positive thinking sometimes gets lost in the redundancy of life and even the best thought out plans go to the sharks. But, reading this, I can’t help but look at it as a friendly reminder of how things really are. Thank you for writing this, and I hope I get to catch any future articles you post.
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Kyoki Kiss: You’re right, positive thinking can dissipate at times and that’s human nature. I don’t think that anyone is positive 100% of the time. But, as long as you’re always reminded to get back on track when things do go bad, it will do wonders!
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I really enjoyed this post. Eventhough jealousy is a common human experience, sometimes it feels like no one understands how much certain things bum me out. Its hard as an artist not to feel bitter sometimes towards other people who seemingly haven’t “paid their dues” and are more successful than you. But you just have to focus on yourself even if it means ignoring certain magazines, or not going to certain concerts, or stop visiting certain myspace pages. Arrgh…this modern day is just information overload.
xo
Emilie
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A wonderful, wonderful article – thank-you Nubby, you are fantastic!
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Thank u
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http://crazy-emo-boys.blogspot.com
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